The Real Lowdown on Napoleon

A totally 2% true history

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Contrary to popular opinion, it wasn’t Buddha or some other yogi that came up with the idea of mindfulness. It was none other than Monsieur Napoleon Bonaparte.

People say he was short. He wasn’t. He was of average height, around 5’6″ says the Internet. Some think he was crazy. Not so, according to my cursory research. And you know how he kept his hand tucked inside his lapel like a weirdo? He was stroking the One Ring to Rule Them All, stored in his watch pocket!

Perhaps the most important thing to know about this historical figure is that he was all about mindfulness. Before battle, he could be found strolling through his garden.

Someone once asked him, “Monsieur, aren’t you nervous? You’re soon to be in mild peril!”

“No!” replied Napoleon. “Smell the fragrant flowers, feel the sunshine beaming down upon us. I live…in the moment!”

Then that other person practiced living in the moment as well. 

“Hey, you’re really onto something!” he said, when his buzzing thoughts and worries disappeared.

“Yes, it is called mindfulness,” said Napoleon. “Tell all your friends. It’s the next big thing!”

And so that other fellow went on to regularly post photos of himself in a mindful state on Instagram. He attracted millions of followers, and the rest of us soon caught on that multitasking is the root of all evil, haste makes waste, and it is perfectly acceptable to wear black yoga pants to coronations and funerals.