The Follies of Femininity

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Lipstick is the Houdini of makeup. No one knows why someone would want to change the color of their mouth, least of all the lipstick itself. It would rather be anywhere other than your lips. It prefers to be smudged across your teeth, on someone else’s cheek, or on a cigarette.

One could go through an entire tube of lipstick in a day, it has to be reapplied so many times. It’s a makeup company’s dream product.

It’s ironic that while there’s nothing you can do to keep it on your lips there’s nothing you can do to remove it from a glass. I get so grossed out at restaurants when I’m served water with a stranger’s lip imprints on the edge of the cup. They need to adapt their dishwashing machines and soap to break down lipstick molecules.

While attending a women’s leadership conference, I was descending a staircase when I overheard two young women ahead of me. One laughed and said, “I’m going to fall in these shoes!” She grasped the arm of her friend to steady herself, for she was wearing the least practical footwear ever invented: stilettos.

This is what women’s liberation has earned us? The right to have our mobility impaired…at a women’s leadership conference of all places? To adorn our faces with waxy makeup that causes no end of issues for ourselves and others?

I’m all for pulling other women up with me, but not because they’re falling over in their high heels. Wear flats and dominate the room, ladies!

After spending the past couple of years indoors, where no one had to put on makeup, do their hair, or otherwise put any effort into their appearance for work, perhaps we will dress a little more sensibly as we start returning to the office.

Then again, after such a great length of time not putting any effort into our appearance, perhaps we’ll all feel compelled to return to the office as glamorous as Broadway performers who must wear the brightest colors and excessive makeup in order to be seen by the audience.